You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
