we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
