That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
