Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
