i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
