I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
