I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
