Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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