"it" just moved
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
