"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
