Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
