Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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