Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
