I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His nipple licking is glorious
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