I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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