Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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