I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
