But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
