I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
me + whiskey = a bad person
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
