well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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