Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i came on her dog
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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