she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
