My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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