oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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