need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
