Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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