i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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