Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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