think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
