It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
