i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
