I'm sorry my penis didn't work
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
