Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
