coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
