Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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