is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
