Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
