before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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