She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
