He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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