I cut my penus on the lid.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
