Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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