why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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