Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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