im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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