It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
