HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
