I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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