I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
