So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
someone owes me an orgasm
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
