I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
