you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
