Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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